the randomness of an unstable mind

I’m so sick and tired of doing my best to be a good person in every situation just to get fucked over, somethings gotta give.

Why must I torture myself? I am haunted by memories of you. A so called union that was damned from the start. I must free my mind. Break away and forget you, like you so easily have me.

I want to taste his mouth on mine. The explosion of tingling sensations as they rip thru my body, leaving my head swimming..My eyes searching for truth and love in his, as they met in mutual hunger. Hunger for consumption of two souls. The aching of my hips burn with desire for him, and him only. I feel like a spell as been cast upon me, for I never felt so much passion and desire for one person before. I long to call him mine, and I, his.

I’m sick and tired of being someone’s backup plan! I refuse to be his any longer!

I stare at the pill in the cardboard package for over an hour. So many thoughts swim through my head. A part of me wants to play Russian roulette and let life take its course. If its meant to be, it will happen. Deep down I long for something that is mine, a part of me that no one can take away and will always be mine. I know he would be a coward and run away but I would always have a piece of him.
The realistic side argues with me saying I’m not ready, that it was a mistake to give my body to him when all he does is use me while I just let him, hoping that he will realize he wants to be with me in a relationship and not on the side. In turn I realize that it will never happen. I’m just a side piece.

I break open the seal and swallow the pill and begin to let go.

I’m far from perfect with many, many flaws and areas of improvement but when it all comes down to it, I fucking love MYSELF :)

These are the last tears I cry for you, you fucking asshole!